The truth is, I have so much I want to say, I have so many backlogged blog posts in my head but I don't make this a priority. It's been a while since I've had time to just sit down and blog, or read other peoples blogs for that matter, so tonight I tossed Kenzie in a her bed a little early with a coloring book and some crayons and hit the blogs for a little catching up. Catching up is so great and so hard because here is how I felt. (It's how I've been feeling for a while.)
I miss my friends. I miss VA, I miss really simple things. I miss my ward/wards, the fact that I felt like I knew people and they knew me. (I spoke in church on Sunday and wanted to crack a joke about Lee's youthful appearance in my intro but somehow I thought, nope, they just wouldn't appreciate it.) I miss how everyone was friends, sure everyone has their good buddies, but everyone was friends. I miss how I knew about the schools in VA, I miss the fact that my friends were a stones throw away. I miss my old running routes. This all sounds silly, but I miss it.
I was excited to move to GA, head out on a new adventure, live in a place with reasonable housing prices but the newness has worn off. Don't get me wrong, I do like it here and I have faith that our situation will improve with time, just in the current moment I am missing my old life.
I don't really have any friends here. Not in my ward at least, people are friendly but I don't have any friends. In fact I really only have 2 friends. My two neighbors have been a blessing in my life, but one is going back to work full time next week (so sad for me). But in a way I still feel alone. None of my close friends here are members of the church, part of me feels like I need a friend who understands me on all levels. I miss that about VA, I can't begin to describe how many truly amazing women I knew, and they all lived within a mile of me. What a blessing that was, and how I miss them so much. I miss just talking to them, I miss their families, I miss their cutest little kids. I miss being able to take their kids and drop off mine, and feel ok about it. I miss really knowing people. And it feels weird saying it, but I miss people knowing who I really am. I feel like I've met a lot of people they've got an idea of who I am, but thats not who I am. Its weird feeling like there really isn't anyone close to turn to. Its been a lonely feeling.
I think this loneliness feeling I have also stems from the fact that Lee and I haven't been on a real date since September. We haven't found anyone to swap with. We don't really know of anyone to hire as a babysitter (although we are looking into it). Our relationship has not been nourished, when I think of counsel about weekly dates I have to laugh and think, they must mean weekly dates when your kids are like 16. But a little attention to my husband and our relationship might also help the mental, social and emotional roller coaster I have been on. Right now, he's the only one I've got. So as depressing as that all was, I really am fine, I just really miss my friends. (It doesn't help that Lee is in DC right now on business, I told him to tell it hello for me!)
